Not (an important thought)

(Once the bird 
Said
That it swam 
in the air

And the fish
Said
That it flew
in  water)

11

there was a desert -
i had to be there
at that desert

we had to be there, yes
on that day -
i remember it better today

i wish i had remembered it then too
but i got lost
in a world (of too much running around)

that was there around then -
today, now
i remember the desert

here still, is the desert - where i stand
wishing it was the day
when i should have been there

i stand here, alone
casting a long shadow
that should have been cast

some other day
and i think to myself
why didn't i do it?

why didn't i do it?
why didn't i do it?
three times in a row

Uh, oh, oh!

So, who’s going to go?

Go?

Yeah, go, you know?

Oh!

So, who’s going to go?

Why, though?

For a better tomorrow?

Everybody says that, you know?

Is that a problem though?

No?

No!

Oh!

So, who’s going to go?

Go?

Yeah, go, you know?

Oh!

Will you go?

I think so…

Ok, cheerio!

only a truck

we talk of and preach
things that we do not
believe
in

for they always are
more fascinating
than

what we actually
believe
in

tao

*
The creak
A door opening -
Follows the slam
*

the weight

the weight

on your wings, on your feet
on your back as you walk
in those eyes you meet
in the words as you talk

the weight

it's the weight -
the weight of all days past
and the wait
for them to disappear, fast

the weight -

them balls of lead
them images of the mind
yet to fade, bright red
play uncontrollably again - rewind

evenings

any evening is good enough for you to see through the grave your own
for time repeats and time is so full of stories and the stories repeat with time
moments replace one another as moments pass by when today is a fond memory
and yesterdays long forgotten to take you to the next day when new flowers are abloom already
stories of people wearing red caps only to prove the uncertainty in real or in paintings
everyone has a version of their own yesterday and it is only a lesson
for one's own self and for everyone else when realizations do dawn from somewhere
across the table or from somewhere besides when you know what from inside woke up
to show you things in real a lion or a red bit of paper of only shadows of eyes for
nostalgia does help at times but not always for nostalgia only blocks the way to rush
forward towards tomorrow or the next day of life or the next pointless living moment
with no element of surprise, woo - hoo, and this is new, yes, brand new
totally out of the gift wraps that we never knew
neither i or them or he or she or it or you, oh yes neither i nor you
time to taste the latest brew, the super potent dark brown brew
the shade of the dark night sky
the shade of a failed try
and the moments pass, as the minutes now are then past, as you grow old
you only know it's all

gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold!

To be or Not to be (Freud)

To dream is naturally
Alright

But to dream that
You see someone
Throw up - they say
Only means that it

Signifies false pretenses
Of people who try
To take advantage of

You

But how, I wonder?

Reflections

a reflection
brings in a phase change of
(pi)

a wave of me
bounced on a mirror
shows me

with a phase change of
(pi)
only a belief

shattered

roller-coaster

look up
see the world go
round and round

look left
see the world go
round and round

look right
see the world go
round and round

don't turn
don't move
the world moves not

with a little movement
and a little looking around
the world is a beautiful

roller
coaster

songs

summer noon songs
goodbyes to hellos to 'how you been?'s
none wants a wrist watch or a wall clock
or colour picture calendars

scenes fade out
the screens on which movies play only wear out
and tear away with time
and the movie scenes are projected in air - invisible

a pleasant surprise when on walks through
the movie scenes play on oneself - inside outside

soon it is night
and soon it is winter

the leaves would have fallen in between!

without you

let the candle flame
replace
a ray of sunshine
of its own choice

leave the doors shut
tightly from within

may the surrounding vacuum
hum traffic songs
'heaven is in your mind'

translate the hum -
letters, words, lines
and surprisingly encrypted passages

black ink, hand made paper

would surprise you after a while
and sound so alien,
when you try to interpret
those words - once again
for yourself

words you cannot recognize
or remember -
unbelievable, that they were born
from somewhere within you

without you

zin-k-rept-ypt

with nothing to do and still a many million more things in hand and a lazy sky above my hazy eyes try to trace meanings out of the clouds that wander the sky cloud patterns the shape of answers or apples should show some way, some way out of here or nowhere to somewhere else somewhere else and somewhere else from there and then on to nowhere and possibly back to here once again to sit with nothing to do, and yet a million things in hand beneath the sky and wandering clouds, illegible cloud patterns the scripted sky with stories of everything underneath the shape of answers or apples green red not blue may be pink while the night most naturally follows the day and the days most painfully follow nights

green

we see green
and tell each other
that we see green

do we see green
when we say each other
that we see green

the green i see
is that the green you see
when we say
we see green

for all you know
the green you see
might be my blue
and my blue, your green

perceptions, illusions
aren't they very comfortably
confusing

let me try putting
'em all - my experiences
in words

and see if we can see
the truth
objectively, if there is one
common for us both

if not anything
we can at least try
till the

end

ten to ten

two burnt match sticks
there on the street
where nobody walks

ten to ten

on the dial of a clock
a clock dial unseen
none never takes a look

ten to ten

all day long
the clock dial unseen
the street where nobody walks

11. Monday

You are sitting in your comfortable chair. Legs nicely comfortably stretched, you think this is how you would define relaxing. It is comfortably cool. With the lines of the book through which your eyes walk through, you feel almost in heaven. The breeze from your garden blows nicely cool onto your face, you take your eyes away from your book for a very brief moment, take a deep breath. You can feel the air getting inside your lungs, filling you with a very sudden feeling of being born all over again. You stretch your legs full length, rest the book on your chest and stretch your arms above your head and take a lazy look around. Then it starts drizzling. Gentle shower, gentle shower, falling slowly down. Your music player set to random play chooses the next song randomly. You know this song. Oh yes, this song. You must have listened to this song a million times before. You must have lived many a million moments of your life with this song. You must have lived many a million moments of your life through this song. This song has been through you. But you have not listened to this song in the recent years. You have almost forgotten the song. Oh yes, this same very song. The tune that filled your soul for a considerable length of your life. The song starts playing. More time flows into the song, the more the song flows into your time, you start seeing things inside your mind. A rewind of a long stretch of your life starts playing inside your mind. Like a movie. A song such, a tune such has scenes from your life etched all over it. A song such, a tune such invokes a barrage of images from your past, inside your mind. The movie has begun and there is no stopping it. You are suddenly transported from inside to another world, a world that was, a world that you have lived through, a world that is so gone away. You are here, physically, but from inside you already have been transported to somewhere else in time, in the past. You see it all inside you, neat, loud and clear. You are more playful wherever you see yourself inside your mind. You are free. You are not what you are now. Slowly starts a tear drop from your left eye. It rolls down your left cheek. You are surprised at the birth of this tear drop. Then start another tear drop from the right and before you know there are streams flowing down your eyes. Your lips twitch uncontrollably and you think the way your lips twitch should really look ugly, but you do not care. You want to see yourself crying and so you walk to the mirror and take a look at yourself. The man in the mirror looks so different and so difficult to control. As you keep watching him, he doesn’t stop. He goes on crying. Oh my god, I haven’t cried in years now, you think to yourself. You do not feel sorry that you are crying. You are not crying because you are feeling bad. You are not feeling bad because you are crying. But you cry. The song plays on and then it ends, then you put your music player in repeat mode. The song plays over and over again and you go on crying uncontrollably. You do not want to control yourself. You do not want to be controlled. You thank the cosmic conspiracy that let you be alone this very moment. Inside, in that world where you are at this moment, you are playing happily. You are jumping around. You are singing songs. There inside you do not remember the man that you are at this moment when you cry. Here this moment now, all that you remember is that one moment that you are living inside yourself. That song started it all. You splash some water on your face after some time of joyous crying and then get back to your comfortable chair. The lines of your book do not interest you any more. You carefully leave your book mark on that page and keep it aside. You get inside your room. You switch off the lights. You do not like the light any more. You lie down on your bed and you try to search through your ceiling for the reason why you cried. You get no answers. The song plays on. The movie continues inside your mind. And you do not know when you fall asleep.

Q

'no' is the easiest answer I can give
just as 'no' is the easiest answer I can get

'no?' would be the toughest question
I can ask or be asked

and then
'when?'

listed...

stolen idea of listing books and things done, from one or two blogs.

how seriously can I maintain these lists now?

down the there

no, not nothing is real,
but 'Nothing' is real
for they've seen it all -
Nothingness spreading its wings
- mighty wings
far and wide, taking them all in

down the there!

when they did that
and thought why and how much more
searching for freedom
liberation
when they thought 'this must be the way out'
when they did what they did

down the there!

yes, they sing along
all together in chorus
'Nothing is real, Nothing, Nothing is real'
hoping that would set them free

down the there!

this road of the night

the night brings with it
- silence
and little lights
of fast moving cars

little stars from a little away
they grow as I walk
they grow as they come near
- big, bigger, biggest they grow
and they move away

- fade without a sound
into the night, to the other side

and then flows in the next stream
of starry spots
and again they move near
again they grow

and fade away

them trees without leaves
must have seen all and more of this
as they shed their leaves
awaiting spring

them trees don't mind
this road of the night doesn't

they just are...