Sleep well. Dream.

Sleep well, dream under fluorescent lights. Scream. Cry. Write. Write. Write. Where was I? Oh, right, screaming. This past year, I've developed a very particular way of dealing with this uncontrollable urge. It's not so much of a plan as an understanding. A burning need, of sorts. I wait for it to pass by the time I turn to the television. Gossip Girl comes to visit at 8: 00 PM, but I love so much that I've now begun to watch her doing it all over again. I'm always quick to see when she is about to do everything she did in the last week once again. Tonight, is the one - year anniversary of her passing. How can that be? Wasn't it just last week? I guess not. Where does the time go? I feel like I should take a picture of her so I can keep track of how long it's been. I'm going to add that to my mental list of things to do. There's a list for everything, isn't there? I'll be 42 in a couple of days. When did that happen? It seems like I just turned 30. I wonder what I'll do for my birthday? I guess I'll do what I do any other day of the year - go shopping. Only, this time I'll do it in a shirt that actually fits! My birthdays are a little bittersweet. No matter what happens, I have to remember the first day I joined the world. Like yesterday, it'll always be a reminder of that day. I'm also reminded of the wonderful people I've met since April 23rd. I'm one lucky person! My alarm went off at 6 AM. I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't. I finally got out of bed at 6: 45 AM. In my defense, I've been running on like four hours of sleep for the past two weeks, and I feel like all the energy is leaving me right now. Also, I thought I had a gym membership at my apartment building, and it turns out that I didn't, so my last pair of running shoes is still sitting in the corner of my apartment. I found them in my closet a couple days ago, and it's a miracle they survived as long as they did, because apparently, I'm not the only one who's gone rogue on this corner of the apartment. Oh well.